Dependent.. On what?

Why am I such a letdown? Why do I allow people to even let me down?

I forget so easily that it’s not people who have written the very words of who I am on my heart. It’s not people who have the ability to see me or are continually for me even when I am being horrible. It’s my King. Everyday…every hour.. almost every minute I forget that. Instead, I begin to look to people for my comfort, my peace, my security. Patiently Jesus, O Jesus, He writes to my heart.. He whispers in my ear.. “It’s me Anna. I am always here for you.. III will never let you down. Dear sweet child, pick up your cross and follow Me.” Then the next minute “Daughter, follow me.” The next.. “I give you honest and sincere love.” The next, “I, my love, am the Real Thing.” He constantly comes for me. He repeatedly rescues my broken heart and heals it with such compassion.
Truly, I am so frustrated. His kindness and adoration for me is not dependent on anything. However, what I consist of is completely dependent… on everything! His Grace comes in and it just sweeps me away. When my heart is so hard He lifts me up. Remembering that utterly wipes my frustration away.
Then, I try an follow his calling… but you see his calling is to never have the feeling of “Im done! I am just DONE!” Unfortunately, that’s what I’ve found myself saying often! How weak. Know why? It’s me who’s living and I’m not allowing Christ to live completely through me. So of course IM done- What am I without Him? His calling for my life is to never be done for He is right there beside me… always leading me by still waters and even when I go through the valley He is STILL there. Always. Always. Always. (How come whenever I write everything here it all sounds like, "Of course! How did I not see that before?" man o man o man!)

My Response to His goodness: joy.

*Update on my life...spiritually*