So, I don't think I've written anything in the past months besides research papers and essays. that being said...I'm not completely confident I know how to write MY own thoughts any more...but I will definitely try.

You know what has been consuming my thoughts lately, what has deeply troubled my heart, and makes me feel far, far away? Idolatry and then, Truth. These two completely opposite words have been challenging me beyond words.

First, I think I should start with Idolatry- it has completely surrounded my life. To be frank and honest, I never saw how much had creeped in that was taking away from God's glory. I was so blinded by these sins that I was used to them...isn't it scary when that happens? it scares me when there were things between my Savior and I that I didn't even realize...or notice. rude awakening! all i can think is~ how hurtful! i mean, doesn't it just kill you when someone says over and over what they'll do for you but they always fail to do it? that's what it's like with us and God. We're constantly telling him how we will change our ways, come closer to him, lay down our burdens, ect. but then we fail and forget to follow through. i know that i just get wrapped up in the world and forget... i forget that Jesus is there waiting for me. he actually waits for ME...and he waits patiently. arg. so if only things would just be perfect already and i would have the relationship i long to have with my Savior..flawless. when will that day come?

Second...Truth. What's even worse than the Idolatry all around us is the complete and utter lack of truth. People don't even know how to give a definition for the word. tragic, to say the least. It's tragic that Creation doesn't even know what the Creator came for...

" I was born and came into the world to testify to truth. All who love the truth recognize that what I say is true." ~John 18:37

As I began to take my stance on how terrible it was that people didn't know an unwavering definition for truth i took a look at my "definition" and there realized i was a hypocrite and couldn't give that kind of definition either. now, isn't that insanely troubling? So, think. If we are here to represent Christ in everything we do, yet, we have no idea what the never-changing always consistent definition of truth is and Jesus came to be THE truth and testify to truth then how can we be what we are supposed to be and be it well? you can read that major run-on question again if you like....its a toughy, isn't it?

at the end of my thoughts i found my definition: Jesus.

Jesus is the only Truth and what he says is truth (like he, himself explains). Thankfully, God's word never changes and it...is Truth. So, there i go! an unwavering definition of truth.

Unfortunately, world doesn't take too kindly to that definition...

O how he loves....

1) I wanted to say I'm so sorry it has been SO SO SO long. I just haven't known what to say..until now. :)

2) What's been absolutely intriguing to me today has been this God... Who is SO, indescribably big and His incredibly wordless artwork.. I would really like to share it with you

First... this is our planet EARTH. You know those days when you think "o,well its just another day." I would like to interject with FALSE! The earth is moving at one THOUSAND miles per an hour. That alone makes it completely unordinary.. but if you just take.a.look.around. If you just take a moment to see the glorious rays of sun beaming through the stunningly green leaves on the forest of trees surrounding you. Or if you take a glimpse at the contrast between the green grass and blue sky...that aren't really even those colors. Or how just seeing someone burst out in laughter...how can you not laugh too?

ONE THOUSAND lite years AWAY from our earth is the whole Milky Way Galaxy.. Look, can you even see the sun? Somewhere in there..in that beautiful mess.. is Earth. Do you see how BIG my God is? But wait...he gets EVEN bigger.

About 23 million lite years away is this.. This is the Whirlpool Galaxy and its something that has touched me and brought me to tears ever since a saw it a few years ago. Isnt this just the most stunning thing you have ever seen? Is His love just not incredible? I can just see God (at least this is how I envision it :)) waiting up in heaven saying.. you think that's beautiful wait, see what I have next for you to see. How MIGHTY is HE? How romantic? How moving? How inspiring? He just is.... and He LOVES us... The one who made these hugely mouth dropping things chooses to love us wee lil things.

He just wants us.. He wants us to follow Him and only Him. He wants us to choose to love Him back. He wants us to have a REAL relationship with Him. mmmm, Just stop and think. Think about his glory..soak yourself in it. Its good for the soul :)

Hasta Pronto....

For the past two weeks I've been in Antigua, Guatemala.... stunning. The first week was incredible and all was amazing but a new team flew in this Sunday (the old one flew out and my mom and I with a few other friends stayed) and I kid you not... this was one of the most impactful weeks of my life. I've never not wanted to go home SO badly. For once in my life, I sincerely don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words. Buuuut, for your sake- I'll try.

The kids- o, how can I capture a picture of their beauty? Their joy is just IMENSE. Its absolutely, just insane to see the stunning smiles of these children. These children who just happen to have no-thi-ng. Not just the kind of nothing we would say in the US.. I mean nothing. Nothing as in they have so much nothingness that they haven't eaten in weeks. That makes me want to just rot. OOO!!!! But, how they can smile! A smile that says "its okay." "look! Now, I AM eating..and thats all that matters." Every moment my heart was stolen, again. Constantly there was something to laugh about or smile about. JUST INCREDIBLE.

I don't want to get on that plane tomorrow morning and leave this place...this home.

My new familia- 5 days... 5 days is all it took to be seen, understood... loved. Is it possible to actually "get" people after such a short amount of time and to be "gotten"? I never thought so... let me enlighten you now on my new view. When Jesus Christ is the first thing you find in common with someone, the first thing you get to talk about and the reason you even had met each other its like you automatically have a breath-taking bond. To deeply love people you know deeply love you is something that really is breath-taking. and O! The laughing. We were complete maniacs --- and i wouldn't want it ANY other way. So many memories but you know what I found resounding in my head? "Anna, isn't it so hard to love? Isn't it hard to put your heart out there to people who you won't be with again?" the answer was... 100% yes. It is so hard. But, I never come back empty handed. To have an easy love for people and MY Lord is worth it, tenfold.

I don't want to go "home". Nope, I sure don't. Its totally true... I have never NOT wanted to leave somewhere so badly. I adore it here- completely and utterly. It's so---- easy here. SO durn easy. When do I get to say life is easy? Isn't the saying "life's hard"? Well, here, at this moment, right now, its easy. It's NOT comfortable but its sooooo easy! Am I being redundant? The reason I think its so easy is because it simple (thought I'd bring a synonym in there for you). I am here, out of my zone, serving MY Lord with these incredible people. How much better does it get? Not much...

Just thought I'd give you guys a heads-up on my approaching depression (: I might be needing some chocolate- hint, hint. OR a ticket to Guat... Actually, both of those are a joke. But there is something I would like to ask you to do. Something I've never asked for before but I just really feel the need for it. Would you pray for me? Would you please beg God to give me strength, endurance and joy? and most of all, Would you pray that Jesus will change me? that he will change me to be the person he plans for me to be.

~Update~

(in case the spelling is horrible.. i have an excuse. The spell check here is only for Spanish..so, forgive me if there are misspellings.)

what to say?

you know what I despise? do you know what I desperately want to take away? what kills me, deeply, all over again every time I come into contact with it? pain... o, how it hurts me. yet, it surrounds me. everywhere. echoing. do tears even offer relief? i want to cry all.the.stinkin.time.

im sorry for your pain dear friends... i am truly sorry. my heart aches ridiculously for you- you will never, ever, ever, ever know. not ever.