Him ALONE

If you really know me...you know that I'm not exactly the most consistent person alive. I change my mind about EVE-RY-THING. I'll be driving in the car with ice cold hands and crank the heat up and then two seconds later turn the AC on because I've already taken off my jackets. When I'm out-and-about I'm starving but then when I sit down to eat I can't swallow a thing... I'll want someone to feel a certain way towards me and then I'll hate it the second they do... I'll be deep in thought and then, i can assure you to prepare yourself for carefreeness. Maybe I'm just consistent in my inconsistencies(...hey, there's a nice way to look at it!)


While all the above is very true, there are also a few things that I try to never change about myself and those are: my love for the Lord and my love for His people. Although I desperately want this... I've learned that it does not come without struggle! With Jesus, it seems to all depend on me and my attitude towards Him because he is COMPLETELY and utterly all for having a perfect relationship with me, His princess. But, since I am imperfect (believe it or not ;)), I try... but I know I will fail. The thing about Jesus is He's perfect and He's always waiting for me to come back to him in full fledged passion even during my moments of laziness and insanity. However, I've also learned that people are not as easy to love... 


Oh, if only it were as easy to love (I'm not talking about the meaningless "i love you"s that teenage girls throw around... I'm talking about God sized, God given love) the people around me the way that Jesus loves me. Recently, (meaning two or three days or, maybe, the whole week before) I was torturously struggling with this love that I SO wanted to give to people but was frustratingly stunted due to...the one, the only: ME. You would think that by now I would just know that when there is a difficulty to do God's work that it has absolutely nothing to do with others or my activities or my busyness.. but instead, it undoubtedly has to do with me and my heart. 


(I hope you are tracking with me...don't worry, I do know where I'm going with this!) The Lord gave me this verse...through someone that I truly love dearly... and it was from Psalms 62:5, which says...

"..My soul waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from HIM alone."

Do you know what my problem was??? The reason that I was incapable and completely failing to love others was because I was expecting them to do the same in return and was positively hurt that it wasn't happening. I was NOT looking to Jesus ALONE for all of my expectations.. and boy did this get me feeling down! But you know what? The bestest thing about finding out how wrong you were is watching Jesus redeem it... he never fails me, he never fails you, he will never and has never failed us. Maybe you think I'm naive to think that...but tell me, how is this naive? it is the TRUTH.