Doomed.

I'm peering in through this window. I've been stuck here, nostalgically, for the past weeks left asking the question, is this normal? I have an unreal sadness and an inexpressible excitement at the very same time. Sad but happy. There are days where one over shadows the other but both are present, nonetheless. How could it be that childhood rolled by so quickly? How can it be that things which seemed to happen yesterday actually took place years ago? I'm confused. I feel thirty-something in some areas and twelve in others.
I'm sad. The age I've always been told I acted like I am now becoming.
I'm questioning. I thought for sure I'd feel differently as a senior. I've had symptoms of "senior-itis" since age 5, now I only want to rewind. 
Realistically, I'm still stuck. The advice I am doomed to hear is full of how it will all work out and that God has a plan. I say I am doomed to hear this only because of how these statements are usually delivered. Lightly. Flippantly. Easily.    
I'd say the fact that God has a plan for me (you) (us) is a HUGE deal. Why do we say it so easily? How can it just roll off our tongues? Why am I not allowed-(supposed)- to struggle with that statement? It so difficult for others to allow me to be slightly upset about my lack of direction. Relate to me, engage me, don't dismiss me.