Today was a coooooold day. Oft times when it's a cold day one would consider staying inside, right? Well, no. Not for me. (-: Today we actually had a filming crew out to Hope Reins and now that my hands have thawed enough...I can explain just how cool my day really was!

So, this morning (I would like to remind you...) was 27 degrees but I still got up, per usual, at 6 am... just enough time for me to make it out to my solace at a more decent hour, 8:30 am. This was most definitely an atypical day at HRR because we were greeted by some New Yorkers (some very nice NYers might I add!) in order for them to film (The one, the only!!!!...drum roles..) Kim Tschirret! (It's apart of a show called the Hero Next Door, I believe..)

Anyway, for a while I was following the crew around making sure the horses were behaving, ect.. but then, when we came to Sonny Boy, who is mine, they wanted me to talk about his story. Now, I don't know about you...but I would much rather write words then speak them. It's so much easier to write because not only can you think and process through what you are writing but you can also remember things more easily and, today, this is what I caught myself thinking about when I just couldn't think of what to say. I mean, HOW on earth can I express with mere words the incredible impact that my horse has had on who I am? How can I explain that feeling of emotional freeness when I enter the barn gates? and HOW in the world could I say, speaking with words, the enormous love, patience and kindness my Boy has given me?

I just simply can't. You see, while a lot of the horses at HRR were rescued (not all, but most) my Sonny Boy rescued me. He has sincerely saved me from heart break. Stress. Overwhelmedness. Overthinking. Exploding. Tears. Sadness. Struggles. and most of all...he saved me from myself. You see, my horse has this way of making me fly..He takes all anxiety away and gives me this sense of freedom. He has taught me, Accomplishment. Love. Patience. Experience. How to have a stubborn will(more so than his :)) . Honestly, he has changed me...and grown me so much.

Some days I'll be working with him and I see a direct correlation of what I must be like to God. Especially one day he was just afraid of anything and everything...so I tried to show him how to comfort himself and instead of accepting it, he continued to run away and run away. That same day, I was teaching him a new concept one that made him face a fear and instead of relaxing and seeing how much better it would be if only he would calm down...instead, he continued to freak. Eventually, he calmed and has been doing great with the concept since. But it was just crazy to me, how I heard Jesus whisper in my ear..."see anna, if you would only trust me things wouldn't be so hard."...

Not only has my Boy shown me lessons about me...but he even gives me examples of others. For instance, I was really struggling with the fact that offer excuses for some people and why they do what they do...even when it is constantly hurting me. Not only do I offer excuses but I was allowing them to hurt me. With Sonny, he has a crazy past...one where he has always been a little flighty and anxious. Now that he has this amazing life, he has absolutely NO reason to act that way. So, if I allowed him to continue being the way he was merely because of his past what kind of person was I being to him??

You see, I've realized that when you accept Jesus and his plan for you, there is no reason to act out of your past... because he gave you a new slate! He wiped you completely clean! You would be selling yourself short if you decided to stay the way you were only because it's how you've always been. While yes I can understand why one would act out of the hurt they have felt or the wrong upbringing they have received or the mistakes they've made but our God is so much stronger than those measly, worldly errors. He is one who offers everything to be made new! I've been challenged with that and Sonny has also. 

p.s. I hope you don't think I'm an enormous weirdo! I just tend to write about the things that matter to me...and I realized I hadn't written about one of the dearest things to my heart and I just HAD to correct that (-:

Him ALONE

If you really know me...you know that I'm not exactly the most consistent person alive. I change my mind about EVE-RY-THING. I'll be driving in the car with ice cold hands and crank the heat up and then two seconds later turn the AC on because I've already taken off my jackets. When I'm out-and-about I'm starving but then when I sit down to eat I can't swallow a thing... I'll want someone to feel a certain way towards me and then I'll hate it the second they do... I'll be deep in thought and then, i can assure you to prepare yourself for carefreeness. Maybe I'm just consistent in my inconsistencies(...hey, there's a nice way to look at it!)


While all the above is very true, there are also a few things that I try to never change about myself and those are: my love for the Lord and my love for His people. Although I desperately want this... I've learned that it does not come without struggle! With Jesus, it seems to all depend on me and my attitude towards Him because he is COMPLETELY and utterly all for having a perfect relationship with me, His princess. But, since I am imperfect (believe it or not ;)), I try... but I know I will fail. The thing about Jesus is He's perfect and He's always waiting for me to come back to him in full fledged passion even during my moments of laziness and insanity. However, I've also learned that people are not as easy to love... 


Oh, if only it were as easy to love (I'm not talking about the meaningless "i love you"s that teenage girls throw around... I'm talking about God sized, God given love) the people around me the way that Jesus loves me. Recently, (meaning two or three days or, maybe, the whole week before) I was torturously struggling with this love that I SO wanted to give to people but was frustratingly stunted due to...the one, the only: ME. You would think that by now I would just know that when there is a difficulty to do God's work that it has absolutely nothing to do with others or my activities or my busyness.. but instead, it undoubtedly has to do with me and my heart. 


(I hope you are tracking with me...don't worry, I do know where I'm going with this!) The Lord gave me this verse...through someone that I truly love dearly... and it was from Psalms 62:5, which says...

"..My soul waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from HIM alone."

Do you know what my problem was??? The reason that I was incapable and completely failing to love others was because I was expecting them to do the same in return and was positively hurt that it wasn't happening. I was NOT looking to Jesus ALONE for all of my expectations.. and boy did this get me feeling down! But you know what? The bestest thing about finding out how wrong you were is watching Jesus redeem it... he never fails me, he never fails you, he will never and has never failed us. Maybe you think I'm naive to think that...but tell me, how is this naive? it is the TRUTH.

It's Time

Do you ever have a hard time letting go? Letting go of a situation, a past hurt? Or maybe of a person, a friend? Or maybe you just have a difficult time letting go in general... of maybe a responsibility or a routine. 
Often, I have the world's hardest time of letting go. Internally I will process things over and over until every part of me is dry and my soul becomes completely restless. For the longest time I had the words "let it all go" written across my bathroom mirror. Every time I looked at those words I was reminded of what I needed to do yet I was troubled by the fact that it didn't come naturally do live so. I constantly questioned, "why is it just SO hard?"
This morning as I troubled with the same quiet anxiety and sadness I just sat. It was 6 am. And i remained content to listening. I observed all around me that beautiful creation that was so evident in the chilly, icy morning. How the dew had frozen on the slightly faded green grass that would turn bright green, again, come Spring. I gazed at the electric blue skies that reflected the same color all over the land and as I saw the cloud covered sky I could only imagine the enormous glory of the sunrise just beyond their puffy grayness. When I looked at all this I knew...I knew that the God who so lovingly created this masterpiece for me to see has my life in His hands, too. I was just kindly reminded that nothing is too big for Him to handle. All of my flaws were made perfect in His sacrifice for me and because of that realization...I say that tonight it's time for me (and for you) to let Jesus in on even the parts of life I can't handle, and when everything feels out of control and 'not like it's supposed to be' to admit that He is still an ever sovereign and almighty God. He is still the God who wants me to "cast my cares upon Him for He cares for me. Often, when I forget...I look at the sunrise or sunset and I am immediately reminded that HIS love...it's MORE faithful than the sun that sets and rises every morning, and that's pure and undeniably, unmistakably and all sufficient beauty.

Grace Demands MORE

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast."
I would just like to start out with... I thoroughly, completely and utterly, believe this. Some points in my Life I have forgotten that what Jesus did for me is more than I could ever dream of doing..and that I will never, ever be able to save myself. During these times I would try to be a "good person". Soon after, I come to this earth shattering conclusion that I am not a good person and am nothing without my Savior by my side. I love this verse, for it is a constant reminder that I am not enough..and only Jesus is. However, I find that all too often I leave it at grace.. and I forget that GRACE in it's entirity requires me to react. Grace demands more.
Brent Crowe puts this into amazing words, "An exploration of freedom in Christ leads to one conclusion: The grace extended to me by God demands an exhaustive response." This grace demands that I love those who hurt me tremendously. It demands that I am different. Beckons me to be set apart and willing to be persecuted. This grace calls me to, in every way I possibly can, be a servant to those around me and humble myself. 
During this time in life (the "teenage" years), one can so easily "get away with" walking in the ways of the world and making the age old mistakes of teenagehood. But instead of being like another face in the crowd of averageness this GRACE calls its believers out...name by name...to follow a different path, be defined by a different calling and live a different life. 
I know that this is, oh, so difficult, but HOW worth it will it be in the end when I am standing in front of Jesus and He says "well done my good and faithful servant."