You!....you HYPOCRITE!

Pride. Selfishness. I have found that these are symptoms of a hypocrite... and you know what else? Those two things are something I struggle with enormously. Wow. Now, that's hard to write. What kind of Christ-follower am I if the main word in my vocabulary is I?

Acknowledging that I am a hypocrite isn't as hard as looking at the past where I felt I WASN'T one. I found that constantly, repeatedly.. my actions weren't to glorify my Savior, my God. No, instead I sought recognition and happiness. I'm pretty sure, or positive, that those two combined are the complete and utter opposite of what a servant is called to do and be. Recently, I have completely ignored the Holy Spirit. That's another extremely hard thing to write. Ignoring the Spirit given to me by my Lord- How dare I? I shouldn't even have second thoughts when I'm told to be obedient to the God of the Universe....but I didn't think twice I just said no.

My broken heart. My giant mess-ups. Jesus wants them.

Dearest Readers, I was also thinking... How possible is it that you are a hypocrite, also? Is it that we, who are leaders in so many places, us, who desire to "live" for Christ, have horribly stained motives? How can we return to the JOYfilled hearts of TRUE servants of a people that want so strongly pursue Jesus? Humility? put my pride on the ground. Honesty? the lies of my works. Brokenness? only our Creator can make us whole, know that. I think I need to remember that He has to SAVE me.

For I am 100% unable.

Meaningless? EVERYthing meaningless?

Solomon...was SO wise! But in his book, Ecclesiastes, I was troubled. Solomon (teacher) starts off with "Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" Do you think he could have said meaningless again? BUT, to Solomon everthing was sincerely "hebel" --- brief, empty. i was imensely saddened to think that i was reading God's Word and it was saying that EVERYthing was meaningless. However many wise things were said and all the philosophical quandries were completely over-rided by the thought drifting.. is everything truly and honestly meaningless?? every pleasure... everything? its ALL nothing...? hmmm?

Throughout the whole book this depressing word continues to ring..and ring. Passionately, he rages about issues with intense thought and wisdom. But I cant help to wonder- how can you live life with that kind of perspective? To me, many things contain incredible meaning and to tell you the truth, I think I was becoming defensive to the words written on the pages of my Bible. My mind was saying how can you be telling me to live knowing all is worth nothing? But then! Alas, comes the conclusion (: Ecclesiastes is ended on a rather magnifiscent note...

"Now that all has been heard;

here is the conclusion on the matter:

Fear the Lord and keep his commandments,

for this is the whole duty of man."

Could it possibly be that Solomon found everything was meaningless withOUT God? Maybe during the time he had strayed away from his loving Savior he found that without God and his beautiful love and mercy-- no without God in general he really,truly is nothing. How harsh but what an insane truth. Isnt it just so humbling to think that you are nothing unless you have something.. but that you are everything if you do? I think so...

P.s. Extra Credit Reading (JUST KIDDING! but if you do have extra time on your hands...it won't be wasted:) Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (There is a season for everyyything. What a relief!) Ecclesiastes 5:7 (totally convicted... how many times am I talking to just talk instead of being in COMPLETE AWE of God?) Ecclesiastes 7:10 (mmmm.. freedom :) Ecclesiastes 7:13-14, Ecclesiastes 8:8 (our days are numbered. how do you live everyday like it truly could be the last?) Ecclesiastes 8:17 (how fantastic to never be in control? I love how we think we know but really, we never do. its like God saying just let it go.. how humorous of Him!) Well, that turned out to be more than i thought but seriously this book amazes me... to study it is rather impactful.

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Thanksgiving!

Thank you my Lord for your... love. compassion. trials that lead to perserverence. hope. healing. suffering. sacrificing. thank you Jesus for your incredible mercy. tender leading. the grace you give. all-knowingness. life. power. breathe. Father, i thank you for the little blessings you give- friends. freedom. water... food (:. encouraging words. the ability to dance... in the rain. travel. For everything YOU have created. trees. sunflowers. the stars in the sky and grass to lay on. cold winter nights. toasty fires to sit next to. Lover of My Life- you give me simple joys. roasting marshmellows. places for thought. adventure. warm chocolate chip cookies. laughing.
~My soul sings to you Lord. Through everything you are here... here with me, here with us. I cant wait to be with you one day (: -

**Update**