We Have A Wonderful Life...

These words, these simple, simple words. 

Spoken out of awe, wonder, sheer amazement and stun tens if not hundreds of times from the lips of my dad. The thing is, the statement is never puffed full of pride and accomplishment- no, not at all- all I hear when those words spill out of my father’s heart is thankfulness. The life we’ve been given is just that.. Given. A gift. A beautiful, undeserved one. 

Recently, I’ve heard these words everywhere- whenever I’m with my dad...and sometimes it feels like he ends almost every sentence expressing once again how awestruck he is. Maybe I’m so utterly shocked by the tone he uses, or the times he chooses to say it or just the simple peace it brings.... Or maybe I hear those words so often because I’m just as shocked, amazed and thankful as he is. 

My thankfulness is not only attached to the material commodities a nice life in America brings- those don’t even begin to start the list. Mostly, it’s the richness of relationship, the privilege of being so *known* and having such undeniable hope... And this sparked a journey to adopt.

Not unlike other areas of our life, our idea didn’t exactly succeed... Mom and Dad went through an entire Foster Care course in order to take kids from Wake County into our home upon a phone call that a home was needed. We were a certified family, our home was a certified house, now all we needed was to receive a call and we’d have a new kid in our home! ...if only anything like this worked that smoothly! 

Switch gears

It was during that month that our home and family inspections were occurring that the Lord set a beautiful little boy in my path. He didn’t stumble in my direction. He leapt toward me and hopped on my back- refusing to let go. I met him at Hope Reins, a non-profit ministry I volunteer for (blog here: www.hopereinsraleigh.blogspot.com) and the second I laid eyes on him I felt this childish sense of freedom and saw a deep sense of alone-ness. What an odd combination. Freedom. Alone-ness. Seems like it doesn’t fit? All it takes is one look into those uber dark brown eyes, one witness to his throw-my-arms-back-in-laughter release or one of his pearly white smiles to make you smitten and get you in a playful mood- he just does that. The feeling of alone-ness I saw, he later explained to me over poop scooping (remember, Hope Reins is a farm...not every job is glamorous ;)). His parents died within 3 months of each other. He was 5. His mom and dad were never married. Now, he was currently living at a boarding school.

Tears. 

There’s only one way to say it, he snuck into my heart, nestled himself real cozy and snuggled- it didn’t seem like he could ever leave. After my parents had the grand opportunity to meet him, they were soon smitten as well. That little trouble-maker just has his way with us! We okay’d it with his guardian to have him spend the night one weekend...and those weekends just never stopped. Pretty soon the questions of “Can you adopt me?” “I want to be home schooled!”  “Why can’t I always live here?” crept in, and great patience, prayer and petition became my necessities. 

I just want to clear one thing up, sometimes Jordan annoys me to pieces. His outgoing- always running- needing attention- thriving on people- can’t sit still and settle- thing can drive me bonkers. I get angry- I reprimand- I ignore. But then, he knocks on my door one hundred times, starts that mope-y shoulder look and I realize how much I absolutely adore him. 

I’ve seen my dreams come true, I never lost hope for my desire to have a little brother...and that’s just what he is to me. All the previous story to say, Jordan is officially moving in with the Foulkrod family... I can’t even comprehend my excitement currently. There is shock, worry and unabandoned JOY...dumbfounded that Jordan’s guardian, a sweet friend of his mom who died, has allowed this life- this wonderful life- to improve all the more. Life gets sweeter when more life is added. 

I know that many of you have prayed for this day to come, also...Thank you for your prayers!! I know that these crazy schemes only come from God and his plan and so of course, I’ll continue singing his praises all through the night :) As I continue posting stories on this blog (my learnings, mistakes, experiences, ect.) I am sure Jordan with be a common theme as I know I have so much to learn from him and having him in our home 24/7. I am beyond pumped. There’s a lot of new stuff for me to figure out. 

I guess Mom will never experience the feelings of empty-nesting because after Jordan graduates, who knows what’s next for these parents o’ mine? ;0)

“Now to him who is able to more than all we could ever ask or imagine!” “Every good thing comes from You!”

As Always,

Anna

False. Fake. Unreal. Untrue. What are you?

"As soon as I heard this, I tore my garment and my cloak and pulled hair from my head and beard and sat (utterly) appalled" "I sat appalled until evening sacrifice. Then I rose from my fasting and fell upon my knees and spread out my hands to the LORD my God, saying,
'O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens.' Behold, we are before you in our guilt, for none can stand before you because of this."

Raise your hand if you are a believer. Alright, if you raised your hand... I have some statistics to share with you.
According questions born again believers have been asked, surveys say:
-49% say it's fine to live with a member of the opposite sex before you're married
-33% profess it's okay to abort a baby while still in the womb
-53% of Promise Keepers (a Christian men's group) visit porn sites every week
-close to half the believers surveyed admit they don't truly believe in Satan
-33% contend Jesus actually did sin while on earth
-77% of born again teens engage in Internet theft
-54% of believers don't believe in absolute moral truth
(All found from "God Has a Wonderful Plan For Your Life" by Ray Comfort)

I don't even know what to say. Maybe I'll start with, do you still have your hand raised? If you do and yet you agree with one of the statements above than I challenge you to actually study the scripture. Being a high school student, it's prime time to observe those whose parents claim Christianity. Let me tell you this, 88% of kids raised in *evangelical* Christian homes will NEVER return to church after they turn 18. Then the question is, will those kids still claim that the grace of Jesus Christ and his blood covers them? 61% of teens agree that a place in heaven can be earned by good works- so I guess the minute they start hopping down the "wrong road" they just give up? 8 out of 10 teens describe themselves as Christians. Where is that proof?

Oh, how easy it is to wear the name of "Christian" but the grave consequences that come in turn when one stands before the only righteous Judge and is told, "I never knew you" by the King of kings...that is not easy- that is hell.

The last thing I want to do is be insensitive or condemning. That's not the description this post is going for. But, I do have a question for those reading- After you made a "decision for Christ" what about you changed? How would you live differently if you didn't have the "faith" you do? Do you live in a way that requires any faith at all?

The introduction was written by an Old Testament prophet named Ezra... what a beautiful heart. Upon hearing Israel's faulty decision to adopt foreign ways (if you are a believer, this world is not your "home.." we are storing up treasure in heaven. not here. not now. this is our waiting period), Ezra's heart broke...even to the extreme of self mutilation. Extreme distress. Complete dismay. Utterly appalled. Then he went before the Lord crying out on Israel's behalf- burdened. In the same way, false converts have invaded our church to an extent that "believers" live in the ways of the world- maybe not 100% given over to the world, but their toes are definitely in the water. Believers, take your toes OUT of the water. Ezra calls the people to strength after rebuking their sins... he says, "Arise, for it is your task, and we are with you; be strong and do it." Arise, get up, stop your guilt-ful, shame-ful mourning. You have been given a job- be right before God. You are not alone. Therefore, stop making excuses admit your sin, repent and give it up.

A Blast From the Past Translated Into the Future

Kids ran wild until they fell asleep on the floor somewhere, anywhere. A group of 30 people ate spaghetti on paper plates. Adults met with their bibles opened for hours and hours. When I look back on my childhood, this thought overwhelms the other memories: I lived in community with people. I grew up in an environment where adults that weren't my parents loved on me and disciplined me all the same, boys and girls who weren't my siblings became my brothers and sisters, we were unified and set apart. It was very strange- but I'd categorize it as impactful before I'd say it was strange.. because, actually, it was my normal.

Somehow, as the years flew by... we all diverged onto different paths. Only a small number of the kids stayed linked in relationship and only a few parents catch up over coffee. It was more than difficult for me to let this stage, this season, of life pass. I couldn't let it go. It was too great. So, instead of being thankful for it's impact I became angry. How could we let go of such a beautiful thing? I questioned that in my journal a few years ago...I'm glad I did because looking back I see more clearly the purpose of that season, the beauty of those people, the extraordinary concept of fellowshipping.  

Through those years, community was imprinted on my heart. Even now, I tear up thinking of how wonderful it is to be known. And that's what we (collectively, as humanity) want so badly, isn't it? To be known by someone for who you are- as clearly as you can be seen- and still be loved deeply. While it is our deepest desire, it tends to also be our most daring venture... because as lovely community is, it can be ten times as hard. It's challenging. Tough. Selfless. Sacrificial. Inconvenient. And yet, it's fulfilling- it's God ordained.

So, this is my tribute to those who touched me; who stood along side my parents and helped raise me; to those who became a safe haven where the freedom to be real resided; who will forever be a brother and will forever be a sister... you know me differently than most and I am so thankful for that special time we had together. I love the places that Jesus has purposefully taken you... I will always remember each of you because you have changed the way that I will parent, the way I befriend, the way I initiate relationship.

More than a tribute, this is a question: In our modern society, specifically, I see a massive degrade in truthful, meaningful community..why? What part does the church play in that degradation? How can we as individual believers stop it, sacrifice some personal convenience and momentary happiness in order to shine as a tight knit, intentional group following an incredibly radical God? "A city on a hill cannot be hidden." It isn't a person on a hill... the Word says a city on a hill cannot be hidden. Life is so much sweeter that way.

Raw.

For reasons such as personal privacy and personal filtration exercises, I don't share the deep and heavy on my blog--- or at least I try not to. I haven't figured out why I do this quite yet. I wonder: am I wary of people I don't know reading the deepest parts of my heart? Or is it the people I do know that I don't truly want to share with? Maybe I'm just aware of the unfair trade-off- you might know me a lot more than I know you and that scares me. I'd rather be in your position. But this. This was too God-given to not share. Alas, my heart is being slightly opened for you so please be kind with your thoughts- don't shed too much judgement but please feel free to relate to this all you can.

Let's hop back into 7 year old Anna's head.. she's having a conversation with her best friend and they are discussing the future together. "I wanna be a nurse," Anna says... "I wanna be a missionary," Rachie returns... "I wanna be a missionary,too..While I am nurse...but I'm going to wait until I'm married." "I'm going to have a boyfriend when I'm 16," Rachie says. "Me too," Anna responds.


Since then, my career path has changed and I cannot even comprehend myself becoming a nurse anymore. Funny. Also, I'm on the verge of turning 18 and I have yet to have a boyfriend. Funnier. However, Rachie is still my best friend... But I call her Rachel more these days. I'm glad some expectations from that conversation were met :) And I can't help but let a chuckle and sigh out at our conversation because I seriously remember it all too well.

If I could go back and have a conversation with little 7 year old Anna, my first question would be: Why is 16 the time? Even to 17 year old Anna I ask why should you date now? What on earth would be the point? The only answer I can come up with is: Anna. There are only selfish reasons. Today as I was talking to Jesus, I was asking how can my heart be so against something my head so wants? My head thinks my position is completely logical- it all makes total sense. My heart thinks I'm total wacko, there must be something wrong here. Is there something wrong with me? Probably.

To bring you back in real time, I was questioning God- asking him to fix me so I didn't continue on this indecent struggle of being alone- and I flipped the pages of the Word to John 2. [I've been in the process of reading through John for about 3 weeks now and I'm only on chapter 2. (Success or fail?) Definitely a success. Most of the days in those three weeks, I could only handle a few verses at a time. They shook my heart- mostly, I couldn't comprehend some of it and I would read it again and again.] Back to John 2.
"Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now."

The story of Jesus' first recorded miracle in this book. No big deal, right? Well, let's read it again...
"Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now."
(Break out the Word of God for more understanding to this verse.... a wedding runs out of wine and in verse 4, Jesus tells his mom he can't help them because it's not his time- but he does it anyways and this is the result. The BEST wine.)
My questions to Jesus:
-Why can't I have the high school sweetheart that every romantic feels indebted with?
-Where are my reassuring words of affirmation?
-Why don't I get to have someone just for me that enjoys me and loves me and hugs me?

I feel ridiculous even writing these questions down. I'm embarrassed for myself! It amazes me how Jesus is so juxtaposed to society. It's obvious that he knows he could make the water into awful wine and everyone would expect it but instead he chooses to make the best anyone will ever drink. I'll place my bet that no one ever tasted such AWEsome wine ever again. How does this come back to single-ness and expectations? To me. Today. This is a little hit on the head that

1) Jesus obeyed his mom (THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE OBEYED HIS MOM!) and did what she asked
2) There was no begrudging. He gave the best the situation could have expected. He blew everyone away with the result.

Jesus has so much more to reveal to me. I have so much growing. I'm humbled to the sin I have in my heart that I cannot even see unless the Spirit reveals it to me. I would be bad wine. This is why he is making me wait. "As the watchman waits for the morning" I am waiting... I am dying to see the awesome sunrise a relationship in God's perfect timing will bring. I feel like a little girl jumping up and down waiting for Christmas BUT here's the deal my waiting isn't stagnant. I'm realizing I make it waiting. Why I am I waiting for something I'm not promised? Is Jesus enough? Is he the only thing that satisfies me? I want that to be true. More than true. I don't want my eyes to look upon a boy and measure whether or not he could be "the one." (I want to know what it means to be united as brothers and sisters before Jesus... I think this is for another post, though.)

Here's the deal, it will always be unexpected when something doesn't fit the norm. It's unexpected to even me that I've past 16 and don't date. It was unexpected to the host that Jesus made the better wine after the first round of wine was consumed. What Jesus did was very gracious. What he does is very gracious. So, that's my conclusion- I will stop this search because I will rest in the fact that Jesus, my God, my Savior, is gracious and faithful. He has proven that over and over- why would he be any different in this circumstance?